I'd like to start out by saying that I've had every good intention of starting this blog many weeks ago. Yes in my pre-partum (is that word?) world I had imagined I would faithfully record my son's every achievement and week by week progress. I find this laughable now that I've become a mother. Unless somebody installed a keyboard into My Brest Friend there is no way that would happen.
Max arrived on Thursday, August 16th by c-section. Like nearly every other first time mom, I never imagined that I would have a c-section. Now that I think about it, nearly everything I anticipated would / would not happened occurred in reverse. I imagined in the later weeks of pregnancy that I'd start dilating, feeling some contractions here and there and would eventually go into labor a few days after my due date and have a successful vaginal delivery. Isn't that the way it goes most of the time? Instead I was closed through 39 weeks, ruptured my membranes 3 days before my due date, couldn't achieve labor even with pitocin and ended up with a c-section.
Am I disappointed? Heck no. I have a beautiful and healthy son. Part of me wishes I could have had that build up and feeling of accomplishment when I pushed him out into the world. The other part of me says, "Are you nuts? They told you at your 39 week ultrasound that he was 9 lbs. 11 oz. You don't push that out of your body...it tears out of your body!"
A secret part of me confesses that I'm glad he never even engaged in my pelvis and I have a decent chance of retaining bladder control into my twilight years. Wa-hoo!
I'm assuming that they'll still give me my Mom Club membership since I'm surviving the newborn stage. I don't think anyone can prepare you for that. Moms will tell you "babies are a lot of work" but notice how they don't make eye contact with you when they do it.
The first 3 weeks were the most work of all. It's overwhelming. At times I felt like Max was holding me hostage in the house. I didn't want to leave because he felt like a ticking time bomb. What if we went to the grocery store and he had a complete meltdown? How can I plan my day if I don't know when or how long he'll nap? Why is he crying? He can't be hungry again can he? I just finished feeding him.
As my friend Patti promised, right around the time he hit 3 weeks it got a lot better. I'm not sure if that's due to my increasing confidence as a mother, Max's systems maturing or some combination therof. Either way we're starting to establish a pattern to our day. I can load him up into the Bjorn and we're off! I'm lucky enough to live in a neighborhood that is packed full of shops, restaurants and parks. It's fun to wander aimlessly and enjoy time with him.
Yes, it has been a bumpy ride these past weeks but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's trite but true. Max is a lot of work but it's an amazing feeling to look at him, even in full bellow mode, and know that I would do anything for him. Can you believe it? I'm a mother!
