Nose to Nose

Before Max was born I never thought I'd be interested in co-sleeping. The Pack n Play in the corner of our bedroom looked perfectly fine to me. Why would he need to share a bed with us? Sure with breastfeeding I'd need him nearby but in the same bed? Nah!

For the most part, we've stuck with that approach. Max sleeps 90% of the night in his Pack n Play and seems perfectly content. We've been blessed with a child who has a solid understanding of days vs. nights and knocks back out after each of his 2-3 nightly feedings.

Recently, however, I've started taking Max to bed with me after Alex leaves for work. I wouldn't say that he sleeps better but it's a really great opportunity for bonding. Although his newborn movements tend to be uncoordinated at best, somehow he always seems to find a way to wiggle his body closer to my head. In his sleep no less! It's an indescribable experience to wake up and find he has motioned his body over so that he is nose to nose with me. This morning he took it one step further. I woke up to the feel of him rooting around on my face for a nipple. Apparently he had decided my face nipple must be somewhere in the vicinity of my chin or mouth.

Won't he love that story when he's 15?

This is Motherhood?

I'd like to start out by saying that I've had every good intention of starting this blog many weeks ago. Yes in my pre-partum (is that word?) world I had imagined I would faithfully record my son's every achievement and week by week progress. I find this laughable now that I've become a mother. Unless somebody installed a keyboard into My Brest Friend there is no way that would happen.

Max arrived on Thursday, August 16th by c-section. Like nearly every other first time mom, I never imagined that I would have a c-section. Now that I think about it, nearly everything I anticipated would / would not happened occurred in reverse. I imagined in the later weeks of pregnancy that I'd start dilating, feeling some contractions here and there and would eventually go into labor a few days after my due date and have a successful vaginal delivery. Isn't that the way it goes most of the time? Instead I was closed through 39 weeks, ruptured my membranes 3 days before my due date, couldn't achieve labor even with pitocin and ended up with a c-section.

Am I disappointed? Heck no. I have a beautiful and healthy son. Part of me wishes I could have had that build up and feeling of accomplishment when I pushed him out into the world. The other part of me says, "Are you nuts? They told you at your 39 week ultrasound that he was 9 lbs. 11 oz. You don't push that out of your body...it tears out of your body!"

A secret part of me confesses that I'm glad he never even engaged in my pelvis and I have a decent chance of retaining bladder control into my twilight years. Wa-hoo!

I'm assuming that they'll still give me my Mom Club membership since I'm surviving the newborn stage. I don't think anyone can prepare you for that. Moms will tell you "babies are a lot of work" but notice how they don't make eye contact with you when they do it.

The first 3 weeks were the most work of all. It's overwhelming. At times I felt like Max was holding me hostage in the house. I didn't want to leave because he felt like a ticking time bomb. What if we went to the grocery store and he had a complete meltdown? How can I plan my day if I don't know when or how long he'll nap? Why is he crying? He can't be hungry again can he? I just finished feeding him.

As my friend Patti promised, right around the time he hit 3 weeks it got a lot better. I'm not sure if that's due to my increasing confidence as a mother, Max's systems maturing or some combination therof. Either way we're starting to establish a pattern to our day. I can load him up into the Bjorn and we're off! I'm lucky enough to live in a neighborhood that is packed full of shops, restaurants and parks. It's fun to wander aimlessly and enjoy time with him.

Yes, it has been a bumpy ride these past weeks but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's trite but true. Max is a lot of work but it's an amazing feeling to look at him, even in full bellow mode, and know that I would do anything for him. Can you believe it? I'm a mother!