I'd like to start out by saying that I've had every good intention of starting this blog many weeks ago. Yes in my pre-partum (is that word?) world I had imagined I would faithfully record my son's every achievement and week by week progress. I find this laughable now that I've become a mother. Unless somebody installed a keyboard into My Brest Friend there is no way that would happen.
Max arrived on Thursday, August 16th by c-section. Like nearly every other first time mom, I never imagined that I would have a c-section. Now that I think about it, nearly everything I anticipated would / would not happened occurred in reverse. I imagined in the later weeks of pregnancy that I'd start dilating, feeling some contractions here and there and would eventually go into labor a few days after my due date and have a successful vaginal delivery. Isn't that the way it goes most of the time? Instead I was closed through 39 weeks, ruptured my membranes 3 days before my due date, couldn't achieve labor even with pitocin and ended up with a c-section.
Am I disappointed? Heck no. I have a beautiful and healthy son. Part of me wishes I could have had that build up and feeling of accomplishment when I pushed him out into the world. The other part of me says, "Are you nuts? They told you at your 39 week ultrasound that he was 9 lbs. 11 oz. You don't push that out of your body...it tears out of your body!"
A secret part of me confesses that I'm glad he never even engaged in my pelvis and I have a decent chance of retaining bladder control into my twilight years. Wa-hoo!
I'm assuming that they'll still give me my Mom Club membership since I'm surviving the newborn stage. I don't think anyone can prepare you for that. Moms will tell you "babies are a lot of work" but notice how they don't make eye contact with you when they do it.
The first 3 weeks were the most work of all. It's overwhelming. At times I felt like Max was holding me hostage in the house. I didn't want to leave because he felt like a ticking time bomb. What if we went to the grocery store and he had a complete meltdown? How can I plan my day if I don't know when or how long he'll nap? Why is he crying? He can't be hungry again can he? I just finished feeding him.
As my friend Patti promised, right around the time he hit 3 weeks it got a lot better. I'm not sure if that's due to my increasing confidence as a mother, Max's systems maturing or some combination therof. Either way we're starting to establish a pattern to our day. I can load him up into the Bjorn and we're off! I'm lucky enough to live in a neighborhood that is packed full of shops, restaurants and parks. It's fun to wander aimlessly and enjoy time with him.
Yes, it has been a bumpy ride these past weeks but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's trite but true. Max is a lot of work but it's an amazing feeling to look at him, even in full bellow mode, and know that I would do anything for him. Can you believe it? I'm a mother!
3 comments:
Yeah! Fantastic! You're description of the ticking time bomb was right on. And even though you are already feeling it... I still do have to say that it really, really does get easier. Just wait soon you will sleep though the night. And when you get eight hours again, you feel like you could do anything. Love you and I love that you are a mother now. Welcome to the club.
I found your blog from Becca's link on her blog.
Ok, I read all you posts so I am going to smush my comments al in one.
Welcome to the c-section club. I am so gald to finally find a fellow c-section Momma that really isn't dissapointed about having one. Through my whole pregnancy I was deathly afraid of pushing my fist born out, I mean SCARED. I had heard stories of bladder control and I thought to myself, I don't want to pee myself while laughing.
So here I am almost three years later with two pretty darn cuties, and all is still dare I say pretty much intact and no leakage!
I really don't think it i the whole experience that makes or breaks a mommy-child relationship I think is the bonding that happens afterwards.
As for the guilt of pumping, let me tell you. I swore that I would never givve my daughter a binkie or a bottle until she was a month or two. Well it was too late. My daughter never once took a bottle. Do you know what that means? That means that for like 9 months I was not able to go anywhere by myself for a reasonable amount of time! My son hwoever, I gave him a bottle right away and he is still a boobie boy.
My biggest peice of advise for new mommies is do what works for you and what keeps you sane!
Welcome to the mommie world!
Umm by the way apparently I forgot how to spell in my last comment. I am soo ashamed...
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